We are often dying for our partner to change, to be our prince, our king, our hero.....and he can be! I've seen it again and again with my clients and here is where it begins:
To have a loving, connected, and playful relationship, bring your best self!
But how do you get to be your best, relaxed, cheerful, and loving, especially when you are overwhelmed, and/or your partner can be so disappointing?!
The science of positive psychology shows you how to improve well-being, resilience, mindset and mood.
Want more positive attention, pleasure and playfulness?
Ever notice how when you show up relaxed and in a good mood, your partner is magnetically attracted to you?
Stress the biggest libido /desire killer of all, plus a lover who is overwhelmed, distracted and up in their head is unlikely to enjoy herself in bed, no matter what their partner does!
You can show up relaxed and playful. I teach my clients methods from positive psychology that work for them, hold them accountable, and watch how interestingly, THEIR MAN STARTS TO CHANGE LOCKSTEP!
Get enough sleep; you probably need more rest than you think!
Exercise: an immediate mood booster, as potent as antidepressants. It helps you feel better about your self and your body, and gets blood flow going which is good for your arousal.
Screen time: Less is more. Most people think they don't have time for exercise yet spend an average of FOUR hours per day on TV and social media...! You may think it relaxes you, but actually it makes you more numb than happy; and contributes to 'anhedonia' the inability to experience real happiness.
Turn off the NEWS; face it, there is not much you can do about it, can you? It robs viewers of optimism, and there are so many things in life to be grateful and optimistic about. A few generations ago, we wouldn't have had plumbing, electricity, food at our fingertips, the ability to earn a living, probably would have lost at least one child to childhood illness, and would be dead of old age, at what we now consider middle age. Life is not perfect, but consider all the ways it is a good time to be alive. Reframe.
Do things you enjoy; create more joy in life. I want to say, 'self-care' but this implies always doing it by yourself....things you enjoy with your partner and kids are also 'self-care.' Lovemaking that you enjoy? Why not make that self-care?
Practice gratitude; appreciate what you have, who you are, rather than wishing for something/someone else. Share those gratitudes aloud with others.
Eat well; eating junk or too much food raises your weight and depresses your mood.
HUG more, and for longer: it creates oxytocin, the bonding and relaxation hormone.
Breathe deeply. Take a pause, close your eyes and breathe deep into your belly, for an instant boost of relaxation.
Be kind to yourself; stop comparing yourself to some ideal of the perfect woman. She doesn't exist!
Be kind to your partner. Neither he nor you need to be perfect to be loveable.
More s ex! It fills you both with bonding hormones! Make love sometimes even if initially "not in the mood;" most women don't go around turned-on, but if you allow touch and relaxation, you can get in the mood.
I hope that inspires you! I invite you to a free intro call with me to discuss getting more positivity in your life.
Here's a shortcut to bringing your best self, and getting back a lovers mindset, as opposed to say roommates. (This is from my recent TEDx talk: More Sex, Love and Intimacy in Marriage: coming soon)
Think back to when you were dating, and wanted this person to fall in love with you?
How did you look? How did you act? Were you well-dressed, well-groomed, physically fit? S ex y even? Were you attentive? affectionate, playful, flirty, romantic even?
It’s not too late to bring the boyfriend and girlfriend energy back.
Let me know how I can support you with this, girlfriend!