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MD Interview: Sensuality, Body Image and Men!

Updated: Feb 19



Michelle Tubman MD relates to women who struggle with weight and body image, and helps them via her podcast. The link between self image and whether women feel sexy and desirable is strong. So we had a deep talk on sexuality in relationships for women of all sizes!


Michelle: I'd like to welcome Debbie Marielle Elzea. Her story is an inspiration. She endured a decade in a sex and love starved unhappy marriage before creating life changing intimacy with her husband. A former attorney, psychotherapist and now intimacy, marriage and sex coach, her passion as a romantic is to help others experience the divine pleasure of a loving, intimate relationship and physical bond. Debbie specialties include positive psychology and self care, female sexuality and empowerment, sacred sexuality and tantra, and understanding and celebrating our masculine, feminine differences.

Many of our listeners are women who have struggled with their weight, or their body shape or their body size for decades. That often manifests as no sexy times in the bedroom anymore.

Debbie, I love it and I love how you approach women, as opposed to the couple, right? Because I know from my own experience, that when I am up in my own head, about sex, or my body, or my sexuality, it just shuts me down cold. The challenge is not 'us,' it's 'me.'

Debbie Elzea Agree! The link between self-image and sexuality is strong, and challenges are so common! There are many things that can block a woman's sexual pleasure and feeling confident, not only weight. Body consciousness is one of many potential blocks to pleasure for women, things that put us “all up in our heads.” For women, it can be hard to get into the mindset for sensuality, It could be our bellies, or the laundry that needs to be folded, it could be the kids, it could be job stress. So in addition to body image, there could be a lot of potential things preventing you from being fully present and in your senses, as opposed to being caught up in your thoughts and judgment and anxiety.


Michelle For sure. And Debbie, do you have any suggestions on how women who are all caught up in their heads, can kind of step outside of that and be present in their body and be available for intimacy and sexuality?


Debbie Elzea It’s a process, like how meditation is a process. It takes a while to calm the busy mind. In coaching we might take different approaches, perhaps starting with reducing your stress levels. Stress is the number one libido killer for both men and women. When we feel stressed, overworked, anxious, we lose the energy or mindset for intimacy. So we might consider lifestyle changes. Exercise for instance, boosts your mood, lowers your stress, increases endorphins, makes you feel better about your body, more confident and it also gets blood flow to the genitals. Quadruple benefits!

It also might be about self care. Taking care of yourself by doing things that make you happy and put you in a good mindset. So when you show up less stressed, in a better mood, not only are you more likely to be more optimistic about making love to your lover, you also draw him to you because your partner loves it when you are happy and in a good mood, right?


Michelle Right, for sure.


Debbie Elzea So we would use positive psychology interventions in addition things that are specifically s ex ual, that enable you to show up happier in a good mood, more taken care of, less rundown, more grateful, as gratitude practices could help boost your mood.


Michelle Right, for sure and in terms of gratitude practice, I think it's gratitude for your partner. Also gratitude for yourself and your own body, and what your body is able to provide you in your life.


Debbie Elzea Sure, instead of always being critical of your body for not looking the way you'd like it to, look at all the wonderful things it can DO for you. Look at the way your arms can embrace your child or your partner. Show gratitude towards it. We first strive for Acceptance, we might not need to immediately move into love, love, love, about my body, but accepting it. Like this is a human body! This is what a human body looks like. Nobody is perfect and women of all sizes struggle with sexuality.

Four in 10 women have challenges with either orgasm, low desire, or even pain, as you know, as an MD. So it might not just be your weight. It's just that female sexuality can be complex, but there are plenty of things that can be done to improve your mindset. Right? Because the most important sexual organ for us is our brains, which impacts how we view ourselves, our lovers, whether we feel worthy and confident and we have skills and knowledge and what we know what we need. It's the brain that is the sex organ that we can impact the most.


Michelle You know, it's so true. And that is a shocking statistic, 4 out of 10 women. Really? Wow. This is certainly something I have experienced in my own marriage and it all stemmed from my self-hatred, really, I hated my body. I was still overweight when I met and married my husband, but I got bigger. Over the first few years of our marriage, and I, I honestly believed like, in my heart of hearts, I believed that I was undesirable and that even though my husband was moving mountains to show me how much he was attracted to me and how beautiful he felt I was, I didn't believe it, I thought he was lying. Then I thought for a while he was crazy, to be attracted to me and it just put our sex life to an absolute standstill for like a good two years.

I know like in retrospect, now, when I look back on that time, it was all coming from my own head that I wasn't even coming close to allowing myself to be into that space where I could safely experience intimacy with Rob, my husband. You know, for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me, like I truly did think that, maybe there was something wrong with my hormones. You know, the reason why I wasn't feeling desire was, you know, physical or that I was broken in some way. It was certainly a process for me to start working through that with Rob. But you know, it was me. I had to do a lot of the work on the inside to kind of change the way I was thinking about myself and our marriage.


Debbie Elzea Thank you for sharing that. Studies have been done where they ask married men what they most want sexually from their woman, they want their women to enjoy herself. They want her to have as much fun as he's having, to enjoy his lovemaking and actually desire him. So her having a perfect body does not even make it on a short list of men. They desire you to show up enthusiastic, they want you to be “pleasable,” so that they can please you, they want you to desire him. This is within our control, but it may require new skills and a mindset shift. Isn’t it liberating to hear that?


Michelle It is so liberating to hear that and what's funny is when I coach women around this, they will always say exactly what I just said to you. That my husband thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive and I mean, clearly, men are wanting more than just a certain specific body type. Yet us women who are living in bigger bodies tend to fall into this trap of believing that it's our body that is putting the brakes on the sexuality in our marriage and that's clearly not the case.

Agree!

Michelle

At least in my experience, as a sexual woman, that sexuality is so complicated, right? It's wrapped up in hormones, for sure and the self-talk that we're giving ourselves in our brain. It's wrapped up in our stress levels and how we're showing up in the marriage and 50,000 other things going on as well.

One of the things that really helped my husband and I when we were working through this was actually setting aside time to just be together. Not necessarily together sexually, but just spending time together when there were no expectations of other things, right. When there were no family obligations getting in the way and work wasn't getting in the way. We weren't on our cell phones or worried about the laundry or the house repairs or planning our next vacation or whatever the hell it is? You know and just kind of just spending time.


Debbie Elzea I agree, I recommend that to my clients too. I call that “intimacy time” as opposed to date night as opposed to sex night. It's intimacy. In fact, I named my business More Intimacy because both men and women crave intimacy, but we often define it differently. So you ask a woman: What does intimacy mean to you? She will probably say, connection, right? This vulnerability, this sharing, this loving connection. Ask a man: what does the word intimacy mean to you? What do you think most men will say?


Michelle Sex?


Debbie Elzea Sex! Men and women are so different, and we can't blame each other for the way we're made. We're women. We usually crave connection before we can get in the mood, and often a man craves sex like a hunger. Women mostly don't get that kind of hunger, unless we’re in ovulating… and we can't fault him for the way he's made, that he has this drive and desire. The entire survival of the human species is dependent on us having sex, right?

For a man, he often craves sex not just physically, but also because that's what opens up his heart. Once he feels sexually fulfilled, he’s then able to give the woman the kind of intimacy, conversation, connection, quality time that she desires. Somebody has to go first, in this sex-connection conundrum. If we're having good sex and we're probably also having good intimacy and we're having good connection, we're probably having good sex. It’s a virtuous hen and egg cycle...


Michelle So true! and there is also the testosterone estrogen interplay. I find that interesting that creating more intimacy is important in terms of growing our sex life as well.


Debbie Elzea Often, emotional intimacy is what gets the woman in the mood. If I were coaching men, I'd be like, men, the key is romance, romance your woman, right? Spend quality time with her to open up her desire to want to make love.

But because I work with the woman, I'm like, sex is an important route to opening up a man’s heart. As somebody needs to ‘go first,’ let's get you over some blocks to intimacy and sex so that you can start having more regular physical bonding and enjoying it yourself! I like to use the words physical bonding or lovemaking, because that's ultimately what I believe most women want--connected lovemaking.

I help with sex-starved marriages, and I rarely hear, “Oh, we don’t have sex, but we're really affectionate and loving with each other.” No, affection and love mostly dries up too. Accompanied with resentment or a shut down. One or both partners build an emotional wall against rejection, and may even act nasty, so the relationship goes downhill as far as loving connection when the sex is turned off.


Michelle Do you have any suggestions then for women who are, you know, maybe craving some intimacy in their marriage and not sure how to go about bringing this up with their husbands or their partners?


Debbie Elzea Yes, my coaching is dedicated to getting women intimacy in the way they desire it. That’s why I call my business More Intimacy. My methods fall into three categories:

1. Show up as your best self by taking care of yourself, reducing your stress, so you show up happier in a better mood. When you are cheerful, and in a good mood, isn’t your partner magnetically drawn to be with you? So that in itself can help with the intimacy.


2. The second part is: learn to relate to your partner in a way that makes him really want to please and delight you. Instead of competing with each other, be on the same team. Men and women frequently crave different things. What women usually crave is connection and being seen and being chosen. But men are desperate to be respected and appreciated. So how to relate to your man in a way that your man wants to be treated, so that he in turn, wants to treat you the way you crave. In this way you increase the masculine-feminine, dynamic, the polarity, the attraction, the desire for each other. When you don't fight it, and try to change each other, but go with the flow, not only accept, but celebrate your differences.

3) The third area has to do with overcoming your Blocks to Bliss and finding your own sexual empowerment, your own path to turn-on. Because female sexuality is complicated. For instance, our orgasm is not necessary for survival of the species and is more elusive, our bodies take a lot longer, about 10 times on average, to be aroused than a man. Then we have that busy, distracted head of ours, and also what our heart is needing emotionally. A lot of factors there.


So what is blocking your turn-on? And what is your unique turn-on path? And how can we get more of that in your lovemaking? There's the communication aspect to it, too, because you can't just show up in the bedroom and not know what you like, and expect your partner to just be a mind reader. I help my clients approach intimacy as sexual explorers together, as a team, as lovers. Sexual pleasure is an art, it's a science, and it's a learned skill.


(to figure out what you are most needing in your intimacy (knowledge and creativity, worthiness and confidence, embodiment and presence, and /or emotional connection) take my quiz:

https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/60b1b0fb0273950017dde253


Michelle That is exactly what turned around the sex life in my own marriage with Rob; making this decision to “explore” together. It was definitely a journey for us. He would get very angry at me, whenever I said something negative about my body and then he would actually get fairly emotional when I told him, “I think I think you're lying” or “I think you're crazy for finding me attractive”. So there was actually a lot of conversation that we had about how we were going to compliment each other.

We did spend a lot of time, talking about the expectations that we were now putting on ourselves in terms of our sex life. How we put too much pressure on both of us to perform and soc we decided that we were just gonna let it be what it was going to be. We actually said, you know what? We don't have to have any sex in our marriage and somehow that just took all of the pressure away and we were able to start exploring with each other. I would say, in a matter of a month, maybe two at the most our sex life went from 0 to 100 Just because we took all of those expectations away.

It's been nothing but playful and fun, since we made that turn around and it's actually really helped me. I think a lot of listeners will appreciate this, that it's really actually helped me accept my body because I've been able to enjoy it. Like truly enjoy sex with Rob and be grateful for this body and feel absolutely beautiful and adored and worshipped whenever we're being intimate with each other. It's been such an amazing transformation for me.


Debbie Elzea Oh, that's a lovely, sweet story and it started with you figuring out what compliments that you could actually believe. So yes, that's a lovely start. I do similar exercises with my clients, where you take the pressure off of having intercourse. A lot of times men are also struggling in this area. Let's face it, 40% of men in their 40s have ED challenges. 50% in their 50s. 60% in their 60s.


When erectile challenges happen, a woman will feel like, “Oh, it's me.” Right? That's the way we are. So it takes the pressure off of both you and your man if you are engaging in pleasurable touch, as opposed to always having the expectation of penis and vagina intercourse. So for instance, an exercise might be that you relax in his arms and he massages, your breasts taking his time, and you have soft candlelight in a room that feels nice and cozy. The set up is important to women; that it smells nice, the sheets are clean, there's no laundry waiting to be put away in the basket right there. So, you set a beautiful context and you make a ritual out of it.


This is like Tantra. Tantric sexuality is so beautiful for women, because of its ritualistic aspects, such as honoring of the partner, and relaxing and being very present. Often you get to just receive or only give, taking turns. Part of your pleasure is realizing that your husband, your man, is taking pleasure in touching you, and in giving you pleasure. It’s not about your ‘performance.’ It could be about being present in the moment in your body and not in your thoughts, thinking things like, “Oh, am I getting turned on?” “Am I going to orgasm?” “Is it good?” No, busy thoughts and judgment take you out of your body and into your head and make your pleasure less likely.


Michelle A lot of what helped me when we were working through this as well was exactly as you said, just learning how to receive touch from Rob, as well. We found during those months when we were sorting ourselves out, is that even outside of the bedroom, we were holding hands more. We were hugging more, there was more cuddling when we were watching a movie. You know, just touching outside of the bedroom as well really helped me also. When he was touching me and simultaneously paying me compliments, I was so much more willing to accept those compliments. It just felt more genuine to me.


Debbie Elzea Words are so important. Everybody's kind of accepted that men are very visual, right? But women are very AURAL. We love aural sex. We love sweet words; they turn us on. That's why romance novels are often an aphrodisiac to women, and porn does it for men, unfortunately.

Don’t get me started on porn.


Michelle Yeah, no, don't get me started on porn either.


Debbie Elzea I'm a romantic. Porn is here to stay, unfortunately, it's more and more prevalent. I don't like it because I'm a romantic and I'm an intimacy coach for women. There’s no loving, honoring or cherishing of women in porn. There's not even a plot!


Michelle Yeah, right.


Debbie Elzea Porn teaches bad lovemaking habits and the incorrect assumption that this is how women get turned on, when it's not.

Michelle No, no, in fact, you know what turns me on? When Rob says he loves my big brain. Honestly, that is the best compliment he can pay me. If he says that then yeah, I’m done for.


Debbie Elzea That’s lovely because that’s who you are. I mean, the body is the vehicle that transports us. It is an element of pleasure, but who you are is largely your brain and your heart. I love it when my husband says, I love your heart. Or you’re a good person or you’re beautiful on the inside. I love it too!


Michelle Right? Do you have any tips on how women could talk about this with their partners? Because I think in my experience anyway, with men, what they want to do is compliment your body and if you're living in a bigger body, and you don't feel comfortable in that body, it's hard to accept compliments about that body. So if you need to hear other things from your partner to feel desired and wanted and open to loving, do you have any tips there?


Debbie Elzea Absolutely. So I'm married to a man of few words, like a lot of us are, and I have had to deploy the art of fishing for compliments. There's an art to fishing for compliments and we also need to shed resentment that he didn't voluntarily or spontaneously compliment us. Men are frequently not as verbal when it comes to that stuff as we are.


So I make like Holly Golightly, in Breakfast at Tiffany's. When I get dolled up, I ask, “How do I look?” I'm not going to count on him to notice like, “Wow, you look beautiful tonight!” No, I will make an entrance and I will say, “How do I look?” Then he’ll always say gorgeous or something like that and I'll be happy. I had to fish for it, but I was proactive enough that I didn’t just sit around resentful that he didn't compliment me. Most men will rise to the occasion when asked a direct question, that's just kind of their nature. So learn the art of fishing for a compliment. Like that. You know, or like, at the right time, ask “what do you love about me?”


Michelle Oh, yeah, fair enough.


Debbie Elzea He'll come up with some lovely things. Assuming you're married to a good guy and most of us are married to good guys. If we give them the benefit of the doubt, we assume good intentions from them. We're mostly with good guys, but they're not perfect and they're not women. You know, they're not mind readers. They don't know what it's like to be us. They don't know what it's like to be in our female body, which is complicated. So we got to give him some help.


Michelle Fair enough.


Debbie Elzea Let's help them to please us. They're not born knowing this. Men are not big, hairy women.


Michelle Yes, men are not big, hairy women.


Debbie Elzea We wonder, well, why are they not acting right? Not doing what a woman would do, right? When they are not misbehaving, but rather they just look at the world differently. They look at the world through man-colored glasses and we need to understand that. See how they complement us instead of trying to get them to act more like us.


Michelle Right? And they also don't seem to need as much time to preheat the oven, so to speak.


Debbie Elzea Oh yeah! Like I say men are like microwaves, women are like crock pots.


Michelle Ah, I like that analogy. Yeah.


Debbie Elzea We have to figure out ways that work with both of us. We can't just resent each other. I mean, we don't want him to resent us because we often take 10 times as long to get our motors going. In return we also can't deny the fact that our man may have a stronger desire than we do, and he loves a quickie sometimes. So maybe we compromise. Maybe we have slow conscious gourmet lovemaking on the weekends and we have a quickie or two during the week.


Michelle Mm hmm. Right. We're all happy. Yeah. One of the roadblocks that many of the women run into is not even allowing themselves to be in their body when they're alone. I've talked to women who are afraid to get massages because they just feel too ashamed to be in a bigger body. So one of the things that we often work on is doing things like getting massages or exercising a little bit more, not for the benefits that we always attribute to exercise, but just to experience being in your body a little bit more, because I think that's a prerequisite to healthy intimacy as well. Right? Just feeling like you can be in your body. Do you have any suggestions on how women can practice embodiment a little bit more?


Debbie Elzea I have many. Embodiment is a main hallmark of my coaching. You saw that article I wrote for the Association of Marriage and Family Therapist on the “Six things that women need for connected pleasurable sex lives.” One of them is embodiment, which is exactly what you described. It's the ability to get out of your head and into being present in the moment. That wonderful place where we're not thinking about the past or worried about the future.


So if the goal is being present in the present moment, and in your body and your senses, how do you do it? Well, there are elements of breathwork. As you know, we can calm or calm our nervous system with breathwork and meditation and things like that. But we can also get into our body through movement, dance, you know, moving yoga, those kinds of things, we can also get into our body through touch, sensual touch, it doesn't always have to be sexual, but it could be erotic touch, but it could also be sensual touch, maybe just a light, feathery touch on your skin and noticing how good it feels.


And by the way, a lot of women feel numb. Our bodies can go numb, if we neglect them, or if we have trauma, they can go numb, but you can increase the sensitivity to touch. You become present and sensitized by adding sound and imagination. Many of these are elements of Tantric sexuality.


You could use a combination of modalities, rather than lying there in bed and just saying, okay, you bring it on. If you do this, frequently what he'll bring is a very masculine form of lovemaking, that will get you frustrated. So we have responsibilities for doing more than just showing up, but also having ideas of what we like, and getting out of our head and into the moment.


So if we're making love with the combination of breath, and movement, and even sounding, we are able to get out of our head. If we're focusing on breath, movement, sound, now we're not thinking about our cellulite, we are thinking about our breath, how pleasurable this is, the touch of our lover. His muscles, his body, or our bodies. We are distracting ourselves with other things besides just our thoughts and it's a practice you know, really learning to breathe, to move, to experience, touch, sound, imagination, perhaps. But they're all great replacements for our judging, anxious brains.


Michelle Right! Excellent. Great replacements, dancing. I love that!


Debbie Elzea Ecstatic dance, for instance. It's dancing like nobody's looking. I’ll dance. I’ll dance during lovemaking with my husband sometimes because, let’s face it, once men get married, they don't go out dancing as much as they used to right? But I like to dance. So sometimes I'll dance for him. I'll dance on top of him. I do this thing called ecstatic dance in bed where I will straddle him and I will dance because I feel like dancing in the moment. And the music inspires me to dance and it puts me in a good mood. So he can just relax and enjoy.


Michelle Well, that actually sounds amazing. I might have to read up on that a little bit and then give that a go.


Debbie Elzea I made it up!


Michelle Oh, well. Fair enough. I just might make up my own version of it then. Rob and I actually love dancing, so this would be perfect!


Debbie Elzea Yeah, no one says you have to both dance. You can dance circles around him. He could enjoy your dancing. You could do circles around him or dance on top of him.

Michelle Yeah, we actually found a program on the internet a while ago, dance lessons. We have so much fun doing that and it always leads to a trip upstairs to the bedroom afterwards every single time. Definitely something to that.


Debbie Elzea Dancing is romantic as is Tantric eye gazing together quietly, without talking. There's more to romance than just talking. Talking is often our female love language. But there's many ways to connect with a man that don't necessarily rely upon talking.


Michelle Fair enough. You mentioned that embodiment was one of six ways to enjoy a better sex life. Do you want to talk about some of the other ways?


Debbie Elzea Yeah. So the first is knowledge, which because most of us didn't get sex ed that was pleasure based right? We got, “don't get pregnant” kind of stuff.


Michelle Right. That's exactly what we got.


Debbie Elzea You know, scary stuff. So we have to have knowledge. What is the difference? Like what's the difference between libido, desire and arousal? They're all three different things, but people just put it in together like sex drive or something and expect it to just turn on when it's not really the case. Knowledge is also about understanding everybody is an individual. Personalized knowledge is needed in addition to general knowledge. Then we need worthiness and confidence. Because if we have shame and guilt and judgment in our head, then nothing's going to turn us on. “Pity the fool” that tries to turn us on, when we feel guilty, shamed and judge-y.


Michelle Right, that was my problem, right there. Yep.


Debbie Elzea So as you know, we need to get out of our judgments and do things like keeping our self love tank full, self compassion, and focus on connection, not perfection. Practices that enable us to feel worthy and confident despite whatever relationship, body, things, performance, you know, that we have. We can increase our worthiness and confidence.


The next one is time, as you discovered that with your husband, a great sex life doesn't just happen, it needs priority and time. We need time to get aroused and understand that it does take frequently, our bodies longer, and we need to prioritize it. So we're not just waiting until 11 o'clock at night, when we tumble into bed exhausted. We need to devote time to our physical bond. So your coach holds you accountable for giving your intimacy priority and time. Accountability and support come with coaching, and in addition, simply talking about sex, normalizes it. Most people don't have very good conversations around sexuality and pleasure and we're normalizing it. We're even coming up with fun nicknames for our parts, and things that feel sexy and honoring. Right? As opposed to “down there” or using terms you hear in porn. We are normalizing healthy sexuality.


Michelle Or me as an MD, being overly clinical in my language that happens sometimes too.


Debbie Elzea Well there you go, but what do you expect, you're a doctor! And we've already talked about embodiment, the importance of getting out of your head and into your pleasure and your senses into the moment, then there is creativity. So that means exploring what turns you on? How do you know, If you've never tried it? Bedroom boredom is a big issue for both genders.

Finally of the six things women need for great lovemaking and personally the biggest to me, is emotional connection. Love. Because we don't just want to get pounded, we want to be made love to!


Michelle Indeed we do.


Debbie Elzea I mean, that could include pounding if that’s what we like, but emotional connection means we feel safe, cherished. If we don't feel safe in our relationship, we are unlikely to feel in the mood. So how do we create a relationship? That's why relationship coaching and male female dynamics is such is a big part of my coaching. It’s learning to connect with our partner in a way that we both feel safe. We let down our armor, our resentments so that we can actually make love, and so emotional connection is key to female sexual satisfaction.


Michelle Yeah, I love that. I love that. I believe in encouraging women to live their full lives. Including their full sexual lives right now in the body that they have right now and not waiting until they lose weight or waiting until they can fit into a beautiful lingerie. And so I think, I hope, that what we've made clear in this podcast interview today is that women can take steps to enjoy their sexuality right now, just as who they are right now. Women need tools to feel safe in their bodies, because I think women have to feel safe in their own bodies before they can explore feeling safe with a partner.


Debbie Elzea Excellent points and why wait? Assuming you're in a relationship, you can't wait. You can't contribute to a sex-starved marriage, as they usually don't end well. Fix your relationship or find yourself alone or in the Tinder-verse. What happens when you are dating, but holding the secret that you don't really enjoy sex. So take responsibility for your sex life! You need this for the health of your relationship. Again, it is not a question waiting until you feel sexy, worthy or desire. Sexual bonding is needed for the health of your relationship, your love, your life satisfaction, you need it for a loving connected relationship. So time is of the essence.


Michelle Agreed.


Debbie Elzea Embrace your life force, your sensuality, your sexuality. For most men, a top desire is that they want you to be delighted to be there, they want you to enjoy his lovemaking, and so you need all of those Six Things I described. Do you have knowledge? Are you showing up with confidence? Are you giving it time? Are you being in your body? Are you creative or playful? Are you emotionally connected? All of those things are largely within your control.


Michelle And that I think that right there is, the best piece about all of this is that: It is in our control. We can decide to take all of the steps to look at all of those six little elements that you shared with us and take control of our own sex lives. I love it!


Debbie Elzea It's hard to do on your own. That’s why I coach; I’m passionate about helping people in this area because it often does take support, knowledge and it takes normalization of sexuality. If you have a trauma past, then work on that and work with a mental health professional or coach to heal yourself, get support, get knowledge, have practices. Unlike weight loss which is also hard, weight loss is ‘simple but not easy.’ I’d say female sexual pleasure is actually complex.

I would say female sexuality and relationships and male female dynamics, they are actually complex. They are really not that simple, with elements of science, art, and learned skills.


Michelle They are actually complicated. Yeah, they are.


Debbie Elzea Even the female anatomy is not simple. So get support if you can, speak to an expert. I am available to help, I offer women a complimentary consultation. I have a quiz on my website, there's a quiz that tells you what you are most needing, what is blocking your bliss. So you can see which of these six elements is your top block so you finally understand for instance, shy is it I don't feel safe and connected to my partner? Is it that I don't feel confident, or perhaps that I can't get out of my distracted head?



You can find the quiz on my www.MoreIntimacy.net website, And by taking it you get in touch with me, and my website is full of resources that can help , and I have a Facebook group that has several thousand women in, where we share openly about challenges and share advice.


Michelle Debbie that is amazing, and I encourage woman who want to find you reach out to you.


Debbie Elzea Thank you Michelle, it’s been a pleasure.


I hope this was helpful! Please reply to this email or debbielovecoach@gmail. and let me know what you are most needing in your intimacy!

Love,

Debbie




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