This sexy, loving, monogamous couple interviewed me on their Head Over Heels Show podcast!
The topic is what women need for sexy, connected lovemaking, and keeping intimacy, passion and connection alive over a long-term marriage. Great fun talking with them!
Enjoy the podcast, and follow along with What Women Need, below. I invite you to reply to this message letting me know your thoughts on the subject!
What do Women Need for Amazing Lovemaking and Connection?
Knowledge, Connection, Worthiness, Time, Embodiment, Sexual Fitness, and Creativity!
Women need sexual education that is pleasure-based. For instance, did you know that your brain is the most important sex organ, and that you can rewire it to experience more pleasure via practice, touch and imagination? That good sex releases feel-good hormones that bond you and your partner, and that medications and a stressful lifestyle will zap your sex drive?
Coaching provides a personalized education so you not only know the facts, but also your own body, preferences, turn-ons and arousal cycles as well as dislikes and boundaries. Then you learn to communicate your preferences to your partner in a connected way, as your sexual pleasure map may be complex, and your lover is not a mind reader!
As females we receive negative messages about our sexuality, bodies and desires. Shame and guilt are released in an atmosphere of empathy and support. Give yourself ‘permission’ to enjoy your beautiful, sensual self, and celebrate your desires and fantasies! Keep your spirit and self-love tank full with self-care activities. Worthiness means you don’t need a perfect body, relationship or performance to enjoy pleasure, because confidence, skill and enjoyment are what make you a bliss-filled lover.
Sex with deep emotional connection is life’s greatest reward. It can be a challenge to create the safety, trust and desire that both partners crave. In coaching we explore what you like, and then how to best communicate this to your partner, in a connecting and playful way, rather than the dreaded, ‘we need to talk.’ If your lover is a male, coaching will demystify male-female differences, the desire and arousal cycle, and the sex-intimacy link, where many women need to feel cherished and emotionally fulfilled before being in the mood, and many men don't open up emotionally without sexual needs being met prior.
A great sex life does not just happen; it needs priority and time. ‘Mutually spontaneous desire’ is a myth, and there is nothing wrong with planning sexy times and prioritizing lovemaking. Coaching keeps you enthusiastic!
As women, we need time for arousal. If a man’s sexual response is like a microwave, ours is a crockpot; our anatomy needs time to be primed. Rethink the quickie and abandon faking; satisfaction is found once you’ve discovered turn-ons, techniques, rituals and touch you like--then apply them in a slow, sensuous way.
A top challenge for many women is getting ‘out of your head’ and into pleasure--banishing distracting thoughts, judgment, performance anxiety and furtively chasing orgasms. Mindful lovemaking is key to feeling relaxed and aroused.
Sensation and focus are revived and enhanced through mindful sensation practices, which use elements of breath, movement, touch, sound and imagination. Guided visualization, breathwork, energetic dance and home practice help you break out of your thought patterns and connect you with your heart, body and sensuality.
Bodies can go numb or indifferent from inactivity and neglect. An exciting and “excitable” body requires care, compassion and exercise to thrive. Exercise reduces stress and boosts mood, body confidence, abilities, and sexual function. Good blood flow contributes to heightened arousal and climax.
How do you know what you love if you’ve never tried it? Coaching is a place to explore both the emotions you want to feel from sex, as well as the scenarios that turn you on. We all have certain conditions in our heads that we want met for optimal sex; conditions related to ourselves, our partner and the setting. Explore feelings that intrigue you, perhaps you want to feel cherished, powerful, playful, naughty, spiritual, what else? Now play with the themes that get you there--passion, romance, energetic, submission and dominance, plus the many forms of non-intercourse play and stimulation.
If you struggle with pleasure and connection, you are not broken or alone! Female sexual pleasure and