Updated: Sep 3, 2020
Whether we have considered this or not, we women have certain conditions we want met to set the stage for optimal sex! Some conditions are related to ourselves, others to our partner, and still more related to our environment. If we can arrange to have these emotional and situational conditions met some or most of the time, we will enjoy our sex lives.
The sexual menu is vast; how do you know what you like or love if you don’t get out of your comfort zone and explore a bit? Most couples end up having just one kind of sex, which often leads to boredom, lack of desire and vitality. Similarly, if we are dating, we are far more likely to find pleasure and satisfaction in encounters when we know what we like, so can help our new lover to please us!
We all have a Core Erotic Theme, which means the very personal feelings we want to experience during sex. With your lover or your coach, delve into what sex means to you, and the feelings you wish to experience. Studies show that most people want some combination of pleasure, excitement, and closeness. Specific feelings may range from cherished to powerful, playful to naughty, beautiful to dirty, submissive to spiritual; they are as varied as people!
The next step is to explore the themes and scenarios that bring you the feelings you desire-- in an atmosphere of trust, comfort and non-judgment. Themes may include romance and partner connection, passion, spiritual/energy sex, sensation play, submission and dominance, dirty talk, maybe even kink and non-monogamy. I was well past 40, and in a workshop, when I learned that I enjoy having my behind spanked--we are never too old to learn new tricks!
Fantasy is valuable and celebrated in coaching and sexplay. Details are encouraged, such as what you and your partner are wearing, saying and doing. Creativity extends to moving beyond traditional penis in vagina (PIV) sex: because over 70% of healthy, normal women do not orgasm reliably with PIV sex... yet we can all enjoy orgasm with our partners-- so try adding to your repertoire and enjoyment by adding manual or oral stimulation, vibrators, breast stimulation, self-touch, toe sucking, or pretty much anything you can imagine...so try something new, and at the edge of your comfort zone, and have fun!
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